There are quite a few things I look back on that tend to frustrate or sadden me. The one thing that saddens me the most is that I put God on the back burner until it was the last choice I had, instead of going to Him first.

I am one of the first people in line to help when someone needs help, and the last one to ask for it. I have always had a hard time asking for help. I do things myself instead and burn myself out in the process.

King David says in Psalm 23, “1 The Lord is my shepherd,
I will not be in need.
2 He lets me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
3 He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For the sake of His name.

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
6 Certainly goodness and faithfulness will follow me all the days of my life,
And my dwelling will be in the house of the Lord forever.”(A)

This is one of my favorite passages and the first one I had memorized. It is a reminder of God helping us and keeping us safe even when we don’t feel that He is.

All I need to do is just call out to Him, and He will answer. So, why is it so hard for me to put Him as the starting point instead of a last resort?

At first, I thought it was because of me being a stubborn teenager in my early walk with God. As I got older, though, it was still hard to go to Him.

I have been in Christian counseling for quite a few years now, and I started seeing a therapist this year to work through some trauma I went through as a child.

Through those two, I have concluded that the things I went through with my dad were hindering my relationship with God. I was thinking that God was like my dad, but He is not.

With God’s help, I am seeing God as He is instead of the image my dad painted of what dads should be.

It is also slowly getting easier to go to God first. It is a slow process. I know that God will be here with me every step of the way.

A) Psalm 23 New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995, 2020 by The Lockman Foundation. All rights reserved.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalm%2023&version=NASB